Who is Mistress Layla Balore Dethroe?

An Opening Letter to  Mother and the Reader.Flying the nest is hard for most people, especially when your mama bird is totally convinced that you’re a baby sea turtle. Mom always had these weird analogies for things, but she liked the baby sea turtle the best; you know when the turtle hatches and makes its way to the ocean and tried to avoid bastard birds and ass hole crabs, that’s how she feels when it comes to her children in life. Well mom, now I’m in the ocean I’ve came across horrifying creatures of the deep, and also saved a few lives at my own expense.  Everything I’m about to write now is just the tip of what’s been going on and I hope you’re proud and enjoy.Life is all about learning from mistakes, and I guess you can say that my adventure starts of trusting a wolf in sheep’s clothing. We’ll call him Wolfie.  Wolfie promised, while I was in Texas, that I can stay at his apartment for a while until I can get my feet off the ground and find another apartment for myself. He was a tall, built man, with long stringy blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and a holier than thou attitude, which was rooted from the belief that he reached a higher form of thinking and seeing the world.  The first day that I got off the plane, was awkward. Apparently he thought I was taller and more “rockin” that I came out to be. Excuse me that I stopped growing at 5’7 and that I got on the plane at 4 in the fucking morning.  I should have taken caution to my initial intuition when he and I drove around.  We did the usual thing, ate fast food, showed me costa mesa, and took me back to the apartment where there was five other  college aged guys living, when it came to sleeping, there was two guys in both rooms, and two others in the living room. “So where am I supposed to sleep?”  I was very optimistic for the first few days of October and a week of November. My heart swelled with joy and the possibility of adventure and fame… yeah yeah even in Costa Mesa. But the optimism ran thin when the theoretical warmth of a familys love and encouragement, and the literal warmth of a decent bed, became nonexistent in my immediate life. All I had was a stuffed rabbit that I had when I was five.That Rabbit kept me going every morning, waking up to walk a mile to the hotel I worked at. My bunny reminded me of when I was a kid, how safe she felt and that Im never alone with her, I diddnt need any friends as long as I have that stuffed white rabbit in a pink dress. So im guessing that your bored on reading my little pity party? Want to get to the real juicy stuff? Well I didn’t forget about what sex drugs and rock n roll in this story. It started getting freezing outside the closer it got to Christmas. I needed to sleep inside, and the futon I was crashing on was caving in on itself, so that night after work, I stopped by the liquor store and nabbed a bottle of Jim, Jack and a pack of smokes.  My plan was to not go to bed and keep waiting outside until one of the guys came out for a cigarette. As soon as they get caught up in my conversation, I’d get him drunk, and then proceed to fucking!  Then BOOM! They feel sorry for me and then I get to sleep in their bed, get laid and get rides to work! Fool proof plan right?I ended up sleeping with Tyler; the unhealthy one of the guys, after him and his girlfriend broke up. We started yapping over pack of smokes and a bottle each, I amused the guy by nodding and laughing at whatever he said and thought was witty.  I was just about to get in his pants, when this girl Ive bean crushing on, walks outside. Her name is Cinny, a black girl with a nice ass and pretty perky tits, not too tall and not too short. Ever since I met this girl, I’ve wanted to….ummm … talk… to her.  Any why, cme came outside to smoke a cigarette, and talk because apparently everyone inside fell asleep.  She laid down between us , drunk and stoned, I was about the same. And well, one thing lead to another and I then realized that Cinny had a death Snatch. while Tyler was sucking on her tits and making out with her I went down on her only to take one big whiff and instantly gaged at the smell and look at this thing. A hairy jungle of rotten roast beef smelling slime.  I couldn’t do this.. Not with a clean mouth, so I took a swig of Jim Beam and had it burn my taste buds and went down to conquer. She came and I instantly had to kick her inside the apartment. I couldn’t have a girl like her, mess up my chance to sleep in a warm bed. Things were pretty breezy until December 30th.  Wolfie wanted to hang out and go shopping. He took me to a sex store to buy some lube; I knew he was into some kinky stuff and all so I didn’t think much of it until he asked me if I wanted to go “play”.  When he says “Play” He actually wanted me to fuck him up the ass. I really have no problem with doing that, but he was my friend, I don’t fuck my friends. I fuck people that soon become my friends.  The days afterward were pretty weird. Wolfie stayed inside his room and then soon kicked me out to where I was homeless for a while.  After four days without food and pay day three days away, I walked to the gas station where they usually give me free hot dogs to talk to a cashier I’ve befriended.  She said that I should call into work and go live with her and her friends in the same complex.  I did that and ditched the apartment. I hope Wollfie lives alone, like he wanted.I had nothing planned that night but then Boom!  I totally went into major stalking mode.  I was too shy to talk to any of the members of the Dead Kennedys and while I was out having a cigarette, a friend from the front desk got me on the guest list.  That day was a good day! (cuz I didn’t use my AK) I woke up totally refreshed, went to work, rubbed one out in one of the guests room, without getting caught,  then I get news that im going to meet my singer in a week at  NAMM,  then I get put on the guest list to see the Dead Kennedys . That show was rad, I saw HTTH for the first time and totally got up and center when the Dead Kennedys played, and a week later I took a few days off to go to NAMM.  I’ve been told that a lot of crazy things happen at NAMM and going to one of the after parties was on my to do list. Luckily there was only one bus that took me there. I threw on a cramps belly shirt and proceeded to walk the grounds at NAMM looking for an after party. I didn’t even know how to look for an after party, so I just stuck around for a while until I can hear someone talk about it. Its midnight and still no luck.  I didn’t know how unattractive I looked, so I couldn’t get laid for my life either.  Then I met Mojo who was totally digging my shirt because The Cramps are his favorite band. He came up to me and bluntly said. “PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE A CHICK!”  then proceeded to shove his hand down my pants….AFTER ALL THAT, SHE MET HER UNCLE ANARCHY:

 

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