“I’m knocked up” I muttered down to the unstable drunkard on the ground, right near the LGBT center, you know the one, right on the corner of Hollywood and Shrader. I lit a cigarette and took a swig out of some rum I found on a novelty souvenir window. But instantly Mojo (the drunkard mentioned) started to become unglued and sober up quite quickly.It was a few days before his birthday and I wanted to go to Bar Sinister, to see one of my favorite artists and schmooze with a gaggle of goths in hope to find new, spooky friends. But about ten celebratory, birthday shots, and four songs in, I had to kick Mojo out of the club before security could find him like this, and 86 the both of us. It was embarrassing, he turns into one of those drunks that has to fist bump everyone, but his face was too distorted to look friendly at all, so it looked like he was about to start a one fisted, batfight with everyone he met on the way out. Now due to our major height difference, he couldn’t put his arm around me to keep balanced.So not wanting to have him hurt himself or anyone else, I literally carried him out to get some fresh air with the security laughing their asses off. The Hollywood air smelt like piss, smoke and Mexican food, whoever said that this is the place to make dreams happen, is 40 years too late, this is the land of hoochie mamas and their crackhead counterparts. But hey… LEGAL WEED YALLL!! (my attempt at being stupid). I sat him down on a corner and proceeded to look for a taco truck to get something in his system, I didn’t have to look far because there is one on every corner, too bad this one was across the street. The sign said WALK, and so I did, with a dozen or so tourists and clones following behind me. I had to put my trust in fucking tourists and hip hop rats to not irritate a drunken mojo as I waited behind a family of seven at this E. coli cafeteria on wheels. Well that didn’t work, he started talking to himself and people taking pictures of him, thinking that he was homeless and just a plain freak, like hell was I going to let that happen, so I ran back across the street and picked him back up, to walk to some gyro shop next to some tourist trap, ordered up to 50 dollars’ worth of food and electrolytes (it’s what plants crave). But it wasn’t what Mojo craved, he craved to go pee. And I had no purse to put all the food I just ordered in. We stumbled out of the shop with two gyros and a philly cheese stake sandwich in my bra, went around the corner, to behind the Scientology center, so I can hold his shoulders, so he wouldn’t fall in his own piss. Obviously I was not in a dandy mood, so after several attempts on getting him to take a nap, or at least calm down from baking out of the car I locked him in, walking into oncoming traffic, barffing, yelling and screaming FAGGOT at the top of his lungs. Etc. I told him the scariest thing anyone would want to hear…Pissed off I just made breakfast as he scrolled on Facebook, as most internet addicts do first thing in the morning. “Want to go to a documentary premier? I’ll pay.” He groaned out, shuffling into the kitchen. “I don’t want to do shit with you after your little fucking stint last night.” “It’s for Edwin, you know, that guy I told you about that lives out in a ranch in the desert, with the man eating wolves, and is possibly a serial killer?”After eating, things just got boring, listening to an argument between him and himself. Figuring out if he wants to go drive back to Hollywood or just stay home and eat Sushi. Sushi is good and full of vitamins that you need to cure a hangover, but Hollywood also has happy hour and beer specials, and the hair of the dog never served him wrong before.The Arclight Theater is one of the biggest theaters we’ve seen so bar… far, I mean far, but there is a bar in there too! It took us at least five minutes to even find the door to buy a ticket. Once we found where we should buy our tickets, we had to look vertically up at a big board like a bunch of drowning turkeys, trying to find the movie title and time. We went up to the desk and they told us, it shows at 8 not 6 like we previously thought. We had two god damn hours to burn in Hollywood, which is weird considering that I rarely spend this much time out in the sun, unless I’m getting paid to do so.We went up to Amoeba record store, it had air condition and I had a few bucks to spend. I wondered around with the radio fuzz and random conversations from shoo bees, something happened in Florida, during Pride week. Some dumb ass shot up a club full of nice people. I bought a book, that I now have lost. On our way out, we ran into Richie the Barber, who was on his way in. A strange looking man, about as tall as Mojo, bright red hair, patchy clothing adorn with buttons, from bands to artists and a big button in the middle with the word NORMAL, crossed out on it, he had a handsome face covered with tattoos that made him look like a clown, the strange thing was that it all tied together with rainbow suspenders…He was a kind man who introduced us to his neighbor who strangely resembled Channing Tatum.We had enough time to get a beer, hide my booze from the car into my jacket. When we got to the theater, I bummed a cigarette from some kid and his girlfriend, little did I know that he was Edwin’s little brother. He’s cool… Captain Anarchy made an appearance, and tried to bum a ride off of Mojo and I. We’d said that we’d think about it because he was going to a show that we wanted to go to that night.The Doc was called Dead Hands Dig Deep; it is a story about the front man of Kettle Kadaver. Edwin Borshiem. He is a man that can make GG Alan look like Barney the Dinosaur.Mojo met him a few long years ago at the Vampire Bazar, and apparently they instantly hit it off as best buddies, with Edwin doing what he does and Mojo, writing about him in Rock City, spewing out stories about Edwin’s man eating wolves, on his ranch out in the middle of nowhere, a door with razor sharp spikes, a secret dungeon under the sink and a more than impressive He-Man Collection. The lights go out, I’ve only met the man for ten seconds, in person, before we were wrangled into our seats. It started with a bluesy song and the typical indie slide show of Edwin’s life, then it cut to him sitting on a couch with the American flag in the background, him ranting about how he would kill anyone and anything and not blink or have a second thought, he hated every one of us on earth, no matter his relation, that we are all dead. You could see the madness and serious look in his eyes, without a doubt, I was scared of this man, who sat patiently a few rows above me.The movie won a few Slam dance awards and I can see why! A look into the life of the most under rated band of all time in my opinion, but not just the band, it was a look into the life of the front man. Where he grew up and where he’s now living, his heart brakes and loves, family, etc. But as generic as that sounds, it keeps you on your seat, every minute is something new, and twisted, I don’t know how to really describe the movie without spoiling it. But in the beginning it showed clips of his public access appearances, people talking about how he was going to kill himself on stage and everyone is exsighted to go see it, hell this man was even on an episode of Gangland. Then talked about his past marriage to Eva O, who refused to get in contact with the documentary team, when they tried to reach out to her. His family life, and how his father died, one of his brothers passed away as well that sent him into a deeper hole of madness, which fuled his onstage antics, like; connecting a short chain from his lips, to his nipples to his scrodum, or that time he stapled his mouth shut, nailed his junk to a table, or made what he and his band called “The Brain.”Afterwards when the movie ended, the theater was filled with the sound of applause and waited for the Q&A with the director, producer and Edwin himself, and honestly saying, that after hearing that he wanted to kill everyone he meets, he was very calm and collected in front of everyone, but I was just waiting for some sort of violence to come out, that I could jump and take a part in.This Documentary is a 10/10, It gives me hope in today’s music, it strikes fear in me, it makes me feel like a kid again, the way I used to look up to that weirdo Marilyn Manson, I now look up to a God Edwin.
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